Controversial issues in relationships are basically what we treat. We know about some of these issues and also talk about them each passing day. For others, we don’t really concern ourselves with them but they are little poisonous issues that might seem deadly at the end of the day. Why do we cheat? Ladies, do not look at men and point accusing fingers at them because this issue affects both sexes.
After patiently scrutinizing and researching this issue, it was clear that this thing called cheating accounts for 70% of break-ups in relationships. Ladies do not want to share their man with any body and this means ladies flocking around him pose an aura of confusion and suspicion with question such as ‘who is she?” Also, from the part of the woman, in the past, they tend to find it a big deal to maintain two or more boy friends although these days it is as if they are born to play on men’s intelligence or rather, date more than a man at a time. Some say cheating cannot be helped basically because it seem like it is hereditary or inborn. Others say it is greed, mere greed on the cheater. In the course of my research on the subject, I came across a good analysis of why we cheat. It is derived from a movie titled ‘why did I get married’? It bases its argument on the issues of ‘want’ and ‘need’. The following are the exceptions:
In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you need and you will hardly get the other 20% that you want in your relationship. There is always another person [man or woman] that you will meet who will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship, and believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship. But the problem is that you will always end up with having the 20% that you want and losing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had. This mistake is mainly done by woman, letting go of the 80% because of the 20%. Usually , the 20% needed includes money, more outing, and craziness (because good girls love bad boys and bad boys are the ones with flavor and experience) while men attribute the 20% to lack of sex, more sex, present-ability of his lady, dressing and appearance, to mention a few.
Mostly, cheating happens when you start looking for what you don’t have. “WOW, this girl in my office is really hot but it’s not her features that got me. I’m crazy about her because she also understanding, intelligent, tender. So many things that my spouse is not”. Somewhere along the way, you’ll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive, more alluring, more thoughtful, richer, have greater sex appeal… and you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and will look over you more than your spouse ever did. This is because no wife or husband is perfect, because a spouse will only have 80% of what you’re looking for. So, cheating takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing20%. Because your wife or spouse is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling your sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil – cut shirt Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet a big time extrovert who has the makings of a talk show host. But wait! That’s only 20% of what you don’t have or does it look advisable to throw away the 80% that you already have?
Apart from the issue of want and need, distance is also a cause. Some relationships crumble because of distance. When comfort is needed and your spouse is nowhere, when good company is need; when the good and sexy times are a memory and re-living it is a wish, when urges come into place and your spouse is nowhere around to quench the fire… solace will now be found in the person who keeps you in good company in the absence of your boo. Some also put trust as an excuse even in the distance. “Well I don’t know what he is doing at the moment wherever he is. So let me enjoy my time” or “only God knows if she is faithful to me alone or she is flirting” are some of the questions that open doors to cheating.
This thing called cheating has eaten into the fabric of relationship that even in some marriages, such still happens. Then where does the beauty of relationship lie? Why does it have to be so? The deed has been done; it is the way forward that needs to be brought forward and quick before more harm is done.
Working on the issue of want and need and having a basis that is more to be lost if the relationship fizzles out might help. Add to your spouse’s 80% to make the 100% that represents what you wish to have in your dream relationship having in mind the good times spent together; the unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple, the many adjustments you have made to love the other: the wealth of memories that you’ve accumulated as lovers… Cheating sets in when you start looking for what you don’t have. Be faithful and thankful for what you already have. Trust more and drill your spouse to know what he/she needs that you lack in your trivial. It is really a need and not a trivia. Be contented with what you have. Share and don’t compare yours to others. Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he’s missing? Oh, they have got more leg room; oh my god their food is so different from ours; their seats recline at an 80 degree angle and they’ve got personal videos; do you know that there are many first class Passengers who are miserable in first class because they are not riding in a private Lear jet?
If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class, 20/80 or 80/20. you determine your lot in your relationship and life. Enjoy what you have or share and be happy about it because when it is out of your hands….you know the rest!!!